Monday, 22 September 2014

Bullying and the brand debate!

Recently discussion in my local community about brand, bullying and lolitas has happened, which really inspired me to write my thoughts about it in a blog post. It's definitely a topic that is widely spoken about and debated within the lolita community and of course being a hobby that I'm extremely passionate about I also have a lot to say about it! So, here is my advice!

The lolita bully:

So, what do you do when somebody is being nasty towards you in regards to what you're wearing?
First things first, this whole debate doesn't come down to what you're wearing but the personality of the person who is making you feel upset or uncomfortable.

 You could be wearing ~burando~, offbrand, a replica, or an item that you've painstakingly made yourself and someone somewhere out there isn't going to be happy with it. No matter what hobby, fashion or activity you're partaking in you are always going to find people like this, but in lolita it seems to be a bit more apparent because the whole hobby itself revolves around clothes and presentation.

But, why are they acting like this? 

People act like this because of their own views and perceptions of the fashion - and they don't agree with the way you are representing it or wearing it because it is not how they would do it themselves. Most of the time people don't realise they're making another person upset and they are doing it subconsciously, but depending on their personality they may be a bit more forward about it and openly make you feel like you're doing something wrong. It may be because they have insecurities themselves, or it may be for other personal reasons, but it doesn't change the fact that they are being a bully.

Drama drama everywhere !!

  But in saying all this, we need to realise that this does and will happen and we need to be able to deal with the situation ourselves and be able to be like "Hey, I don't care about what you think because I like it and I'm happy". Put on your game face and wear that dress that you love.

So, why would somebody get so upset over clothes that I'm wearing, isn't that a bit stupid?

Lolita is an expensive hobby, and when you enter and become a part of the community and partake in the fashion you need to know this before diving into the deep end of the pool full of dresses and not knowing how to swim. Because it is a niche community and fashion people will get upset if you are wearing it incorrectly and misrepresenting a hobby that they love.

Yes, it is totally stupid that this can cause people to become nasty towards others! Literally all we are doing is draping ourselves in pretty expensive fabric. But unfortunately this way of thinking is embedded into society which sucks major balls. As people we need to be able to see past this and rise above it and all that matters is that you're happy.

Okay, so they're upset over clothes - but what about if its the brand I'm wearing?

An integral part of the fashion is the brands and prints you are wearing, and the way in which you wear them. Like all hobbies and main fashion industry brands you are going to have the top tier, medium tier and low tier. My main point in saying this is, is that it really helps to have knowledge and understanding of the way things work before we get caught up in them.

I could be wearing all offbrand, indie or taobao and make it look amazing because I'm an amazing fashionita. I could make my own lolita if I could sew and look a million times better than someone wearing ~precious burando~ and be proud because I made it myself. I could rock a replica because fuck yeah I didn't wanna drop three hundred dollars on the real dress and I was just dabbling in this substyle because I can. Man, I could even wear Bodyline because Mr. Yan is the dreamiest designer in all the land! Or, I could wear dresses and items from the big name brands that are mainly associated with this fashion because that is the main reason that it exists in the first place.

Personally I am a big ambassador for the big brands because I like the style, quality and prints that they bring out a lot better than the taobao, indie, and offbrand dresses. I also own a lot of these other brands and dresses because they're beautiful as well. But that doesn't make me better than you. It just means I have different tastes and a different way of looking at it which allows me to experiment on a deeper level.

Taking all that into account, brands really do come down to your lolita substyles.
As a few examples: Angelic Pretty leads the sweet style, Baby the Stars Shine Bright and Innocent World mainly specialises in classic, Alice and the Pirates is a main gothic brand alongside other brands and then apart from those we have a bazillion other brands that cater for people's preferred style.
If somebody is upset about the brand you're wearing it's probably because they're sweet and you like gothic (or a classic, or ouji, or whatever!)- although part of the same fashion the substyles are so different with a varied attention to detail that they probably don't appreciate it as much as you do!

But it's not the brand! Apparently something doesn't match!?

Ahhh, coordinate nitpicking. There is always that one person with a stick up their ass who thinks they are better than everybody else and judges harshly because they can and they feel they have a right to.

 Lolita has certain "rules and regulations" and a silhouette and scheme that must be followed (Although here in Australia we are very laid back) in order for it to look good. Things like not wearing a blouse, not having the right shaped petticoat, not wearing bloomers, wearing different sets with each other, your socks being too short or even not having the right wig.

Okay sure, some of these are justified because they're an integral part of the look, but when people start nitpicking that your bag doesn't match properly when that may be the only bag you had, or your red shoes are a different red to your cardigan when maybe you only own the one pair of shoes and wanted to bring out the red in your dress - I hope they see how petty they are being. There is a difference between an outfit being waaaaaay off and then being overly stupid about a tiny part of the coordinate -like your polkadot stockings having different sized dots than the ones in your dress.

But sometimes somebody will give you constructive criticism and you need to learn the difference between this and nitpicking. Nitpicking is done out of malice, constructive criticism is to help you improve what you're already good at! Someone telling you that you have a cute outfit but maybe wearing different coloured socks would look better next time is not bullying. Just remember to keep your mind open because they're trying to help you!

In conclusion, if somebody seriously is being nasty towards you over something as trivial as this the best thing you can do is laugh at them - I bet one or two coordinates in their life haven't been perfect. Just remind yourself that you are different people with different styles! So, in conclusion - just wear it and love every second of it.


  1. Well said, if it feels good and looks good to you then wear it! (love the laid back aussie part, as i sit here wondering if i really have to wear that blouse today)

  2. Amazing and informative post! I just bought my first dress recently, and I'm excited to work on my first cord.

  3. Interesting :) I was little bit sad that I have a lot of handmade lolita dresses, but now I feel better :) I like your opinions *w* Thank you!


  4. Could not have said it better! This is such a great post :)

  5. I'm glad you wrote such a nice article ♥ differentiating "bullying" from "con-crit" is usually a thing that newcomers can't seem to do.
    I wish many lolitas would read your text! You mde things clear with some good examples (especially on the coord part).
    "Put on your game face and wear that dress that you love" is my favorite thought.

    I discovered your blog today and I'm loving it, plese never stop writing, showing your pics and sharing your ideas here ♥♥